After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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