I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
People in love make me want to vomit
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
