fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
