you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
