worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's never too late to be topless.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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