Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
