i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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