At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
