You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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