let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
