Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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