I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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