he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
