Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The air was thick with penises
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
