Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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