I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
