the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
