You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
