Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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