Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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