Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
