The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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