dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
