I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
