I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
