if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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