Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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