is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
