my mouth tastes like poor choices
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i think i have herpe
just one?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
