How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I didn't notice because vodka
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
