You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
