How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
as a side note pls kill me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
