That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
