Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
