Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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