i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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