my soul wont recognize me after tonight
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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