"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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