hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
