So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
