my vag is so smooth its legendary
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
