Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
