ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
