Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
