Your mouth is God's brothel.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
