I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
