I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
