I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
