i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
