Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
