So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
