We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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