You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize