was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
