no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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