How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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