Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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