so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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