I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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