Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
