even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
