Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
