life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
