My Higher Power is John Stamos
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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