i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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