help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
