It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
