Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This gyro tastes like lonliness
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
