allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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